Starving for Beauty

I am starving
For a dream
For a fantasy
That has escaped me
I wish I was never born
Because I cannot be perfect
Because I cannot be beautiful
When I starve
I feel powerful
I feel in control
Every compliment I get
Makes me feel like a fraud
I can hide my disfigurement
From the world
But when I am alone and bare
I cannot hide from myself
When I was a big beautiful woman
I felt confident, beautiful and desired
But, now if anyone knew the real me
No one would accept me
Because I am a freak
I just want to be normal again
I just want to love myself

Copyright © Courtney Dyer | Year Posted 2013