Spare Room

I thought getting it out would help me within; But sometimes when I hear my words, I become absolutely catatonic. It's like I created a safe room inside of my head, a place where I now go when I remember she's dead. A room with no windows, the walls smeared with sadness. A suffocating force, creating a space where no new life can co-habit. I am working on boarding up this room soon, so I can no longer forget the feeling of not having you. I just have to get through the initial sting, then maybe I can participate in my own healing. Like reminiscing of good times, we shared together, instead of cursing your name feeling like you should have done better. I'm marinated in so many feelings, sometimes it feels easier to just forget her and put off this grieving. Without this room that I have made for myself, these thoughts would not be processed cared for and felt.