Soul Searching
I am one to believe,
That if only people could see,
What’s really, truly me…
…That one day this world would understand.
I am very different.
Yet, common to the eye.
But what’s inside the heart,
Proves that the outside is just a lie.
On average, if you should know.
Based off of the world’s expectations.
That I would be a girl,
With senior salutations.
To make up the perfect woman,
Many elements of normality are involved.
But I am more like a puzzle…
…With important pieces missing.
Therefore, I am close to impossible of being solved.
Beauty, yes I am.
I know I have the smarts.
But the reasons for my insecurities,
I cannot figure out.
I am stuck inside of a shell.
A dungeon that I call my home.
I want to break free…
…Escaping from all of this.
But I cannot escape by being alone.
Yes, there are people by my side.
But ONE cannot escape the wrath…
…Of a Mental Tsunami Tide.
So what do I do for peace?
I observe those of innocence.
Stop.
Think.
And listen.
Then all over, I reminisce.
What do I evoke?
What thoughts do I recollect?
I muse over the teachings that I received from the inexperienced.
I tend to allow myself to believe,
That if I studied another’s ways,
That I would be able to flee,
From OUR past.
The crippling days.
So why am I so self-doubting?
So quick to be pessimistic?
If only I had the answers,
Would be how quickly I could end it.
No, I am not JEALOUS!
I understand half of what I am worth.
The other half will come along,
With self values and soul search.
I don’t mean any harm,
To those that I offend.
Personality is key.
And not a heart.
But a character is what I have to mend.
So on this journey of security,
And transforming into a woman of hope and faith.
Please allow me to be myself,
So that I can notice the traits that I have to change.
And once I have improved myself.
Certainly I will see.
Things that are worth my time…
….And the things that are not worth me.
Please be patient with me,
For we are on this journey simultaneously.
Copyright © Jerrika Holmes | Year Posted 2010
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