Sorry
Chest tight
no light
cant fight
a blight
Tears threten to spill
I promise not to kill
I beg for you to fill
just please wait untill
I crave the past,
tears under the mask.
warmpth of a hug,
the pull of a heart string does tug.
I yearn for the old joy of lunch time,
Now I sit alone and rhyme.
ghost of a smile on my face
now for the pain I brace
Wishing I could change it
I gave up and quit.
I lost hope
I forgot to cope.
I looked to the easy path
I didnt do the math.
I was selfish
Hurting you wasn't my wish.
That is my accountability
my time to learn humility.
to learn from my choise
please hear my voice.
I love you all
my fear is my downfall.
I dont want you to hurt
so from my pain I divert
No longer will I hide,
my tears haven't dried
Im hurting
a lot
There
I said it
Im hurting really bad
I feel alone
I miss my friends
I miss my old school.
I miss not being able to stop smiling when walking into lunch with all of you.
I miss calling Josh, papa
I miss being (lovingly) teased about Langston.
I miss Savannah's smothering hugs,
I miss Sean's innocent litte jokes.
I miss Jose's silly faces (when no one is looking).
I miss the fact that "goodbye" ment see you tomarrow.
I miss Sean's hate for change.
I miss Savannah's helicopter parenting
I miss Joshe's memes
I miss Jose's stubborness.
I miss all parts of all of you.
G-d it kills me.
Every day I get up knowing I wont see you
I still reach for my school polos,
Still put my ID card in my back pocket,
then it hits me.
all at once I remeber avoiding homework
and the shame decends hand-in-hand with the emptyness.
I put the ID back and get dressed for the day,
with a heavy heart leading the way.
I paint on a happy smile,
over the sobbing lonley girl.
When my genetic authors over-exercise their vocal cords,
The smothering wieght returns.
I know.
I didnt forget
How could I?
I know that I messed up.
But I cant change the past,
No matter how hard I try.
So let me say it,
let me attempt to sum all of this up in two words.
condence my hurt into seven letters.
Express my thoughts in two syllables
I'm Sorry.
Copyright © Elissa Quigley | Year Posted 2017
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