Something We Never Had

How can I feel and almost touch something we never had? A moment shared but not, lost somewhere a long way from where it started, where it didn’t begin. But I can paint a picture of it, transcribe it in my heart. Will it become tangible just because I envision it that way? I live in terrible nights spent dreaming sweet mirages, rapturous figments, only made worst by morning’s arrival. I grit my teeth as I fall into the plunge. Imageries of what I’ve come to know isn’t true provide décor as I wait to be caught, as I hope to be. Wouldn’t you know it, I'm endowed with full wings, yet the reasoning behind their lack of use doesn’t fly either. My thoughts confound me; I’m troubled by the incapability in my faculty. Who is there to pilot? My heart can’t be trusted; it’s been three sheets for a spell now. I interrogate my expectations, wanting so badly to believe. White hot lights guide my lines of violent inquiries; I cling to the tension, snarling to the breaking point. Creating memories where reality concludes, drawing close to those recollections; glaring past their pseudo substance -deeming them rather perfect. I stagger toward uncertainty with meaningful purpose, dazzling in the eyes I see as I lurch forward continually -short of a rudder. Faint whispers can be heard as echoes throughout my heart, they tease as they haunt me, I wish their message was as perspicuous as their sound. Time is closing near as I retreat into the refuge of my thoughts…I can feel it, almost touch it, was it ever there? My portrait, my written text, I embraced these feelings as I saw them, they were there. I end, up ended in the hind parts of the day, now wanting so badly to revisit another terrible night… Started 20 January 2014 at North KAIA -Kabul, Afghanistan (North Kabul International Airport)