Somber Requiem
in the face of a somber requiem
I close my eyes
and I breathe
in
—
out
in
—
out
because even now
my body is trying to survive something
my heart already buried
the stagnant chill fills my lungs
cold like borrowed air
like I am trespassing
inside my own chest
your eyes
soft
dangerous
full of gentle desire
they linger on mine
not to see me
but to study
to learn
to calculate
what you can take
you wrap your gaze around my heart
thorny tendrils curling slow
patient
intentional
digging in
deeper
and deeper
until even my growth
hurts
why do you call upon me
with hands that promise warmth
only to disappear
once I open myself
why do you leave
after laying yourself
here
in me
I ask for so little
a sliver
a fragment
a moment of your presence
let that be my penance
for believing tenderness
could save me
because I know
I have always known
you never wanted me
you wanted what I could provide
the comfort
the softness
the absolution
you wanted what you could obtain
through me
my open hands
my altruistic heart
my broken one
I gave myself like a prayer
and you answered
like a wound
this is the cost
of loving gently
in a world that devours the soft
this is what happens
when you mistake attention
for devotion
so here I am
breathing
in
—
out
holding what is left of myself
in the quiet
in the aftermath
my offering
my warning
my
somber requiem
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