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Sleep What Sleep


The rooster crows
Heralding a new dawn
Yet sleep is beyond me
That basic human need has deserted me
Leaving me in a whirlwind of thoughts
Contemplating, scheming
For what else can I do?
Reminiscing, remembering
What else is there for me?
Musing, pondering
How else can I survive?
When all that I ever wanted,
All that I ever dreamt of
Vaporized into a noxious smoke
When all that ever contented me
Is gone in a puff of smoke
When mine nights are restless
And the nightmares keep me up
Where then can I get more dreams?
How then can I ever hope?
When I am this close to my demise
When mine existence is all but useless
How can I ever sleep?
Without the hope of ever
Holding her in my arms
How can I ever dream?
When the anticipation has grown cold
And my future looks bleak.
Why then should I sleep?
When the dreams turn to nightmares
How can I ever sleep?
Without the hope of ever seeing her smile again
Without her,
Who sang me lullabies with that soporific voice
Can I ever sleep?
Without the hope of dreaming of her
Tell me,
What is love really?
Memories?
Recriminations and regrets?
Pain? That agonizing pain?
Would that I had known,
Would I ever have loved?
Would I ever have dreamt?
Would I ever have hoped?
Mine pneuma is vexed
The questions never end
The answers are never found
And sleep is still beyond me
My eyes in the darkness,
Open to a beautiful vision
A vision of my persecutor
She whose heart I broke,
She whose pain I authored
The girl who I love so much
She whose memory gives me no respite
She whose departure has stolen my sleep,
The only one who can exorcize my ghosts
And bring back sanity to my heart
Guess I have to live with the pain
Till eternity and beyond!
Guess I have to cohabit with my memories
Till the very end of time
Guess I have to live with the hallucinations
Till she finds it in her heart to forgive me
And to love me as I always will
Guess I have to put up with the sleeplessness
Till the emotion subsides
IF IT EVER WILL!
Then I will sleep!

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