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Silent Voices

Silent voices speaking, to my heart, ears echoing sounds, from a distance, so far away, yet so close, head so painful, dizziness befalls me, eyes looking around and on me, laying on the floor so still now, as my soul leaves, this frail body, death has paid, me a visit this day. wrote 7-24-07

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Jack Romero

Date: 7/28/2008 1:00:00 AM

It's a little ambiguous, but a good start indeed. It's hard to tell whether the narrator has actually died, or whether they just had a near-death experience -- the term "visit" makes it a tossup, to me. I'm not sure the spaced couplet style quite works for me, either, but with a bit of polish it could flow better. It's just a little bit "jerky" how it is, if you see what I mean by that. Good luck!

Michael Jordan

Date: 7/25/2008 11:45:00 AM

I find your poetry to be most interesting - this was well written -