John Lariviere Poet Elegy

Sicko

I'm living the wrong life.
A bad version or an unhealthy vers6
Of what a human should be
I stopped drinking 
So every once in a while. 

I stopped taking pills for Dep5.
And antisychotics, and diabetes 
And wait.... ing cirrhosis. 
And do drugs to stay awake 
So you can write and feel like 

A genius, you see in have to trick 
Myself into feeling any ing emotions 
I lose weight and don't bathe.
And write for hours and days
And when I read all of these 

Later, they'll be , just ing 
Nonsense words that make 
Sense to only me and maybe 
Others who have died inside 
Where fear doesn't exist anymore 

Just ing words
I used to care about things 
I loved being around people
Enjoying things
That's the ing thing. 

Things. I'm not sure if I'm sad or glad. 
That I have nothing 
After I left and my mother 
Died. I made peace with death 
And he still hangs

Around tormenting me
ed up thing,
I enjoy his company 
Company annoys and bores
Me so much. They cared about me.

That's gone now
So I deal with mental illnesses. 
Making me feel like 
If I stop writing I'll die.
Six months then forgotten 

I'm sure I'm only interested. 
To myself and I'm getting tired 
But I want to be alone.
I want to care about myself 
I haven't bathed in two months. 

I'm bleeding from 2 places.
But won't die
I'm decaying on purpose 
My mind is so broken 
I'm not sure if I understand 
Love anymore

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