She Got the House

I was sleeping in bed one sunday morn
and I was dreaming of Islands and the trees they adorn
I was on the bow of a sailboat
looking thru a brass scope

checkin out the ladies on the beaches 
with skin that looked like peaches
and though it wasn,t a quater to eleven
I thought for sure I must be in heaven

then all of a sudden WACK!!!!
everything went black
I said "This ant where I am!" 
thats the bottom of my frying pan

being held my wife
who I called the antichrist
was waking me up early that day 
in the most hurtful of ways

she yelled"go dig a darn ditch
you good for nothing son of a B____!"
well my face was still stinging
and the frying pan was a swinging

so I grabbed my coffee pot
and said "thanks a fricking lot!"
I heard the frying pan hit the floor
as I ran out the front door

well with my coffee and my thong
I got the newspaper off the front lawn
I looked in the window and saw my wife,s fat abs
then I turned the paper to the want ads

now I don,t know if it floats 
but theres a fella in here selling his sailboat
it did seem strange 
cause "that things in my price range!"

then without a doupt 
I got in my truck to check it out
well the owners face was angry and long!
then I realized "darn I'm still wearing my thong!"

but I did like his boat
and sure enough it did float
so I said"what the heck
hey bo will u take a check?"

within a minute I won the bid
and sail away with her I did
never looking back was not a sin
I just let the antichrist win

then to spite my old spouse
I called my boat "SHE GOT THE HOUSE!"

by Capt. Mike

Post Comments

Poetrysoup is an environment of encouragement and growth so only provide specific positive comments that indicate what you appreciate about the poem. Negative comments will result your account being banned.

Please Login to post a comment

Jennifer Arnott

Date: 3/17/2011 7:14:00 AM

loma , soo much enjoyed ur writes today,, took me back in time,, reminded me of my grandpa, he was all heart but not quite right lol , to this day i miss him and love him, hes been gone many years, tho he was an alcoholic, even had a beer for breakfast lol, i just seen who he was,,, thanks for your poems , they made me laf and touched my heart :)