Selfish Wish

Selfish wish I kept without even thinking about how you felt. I'm greedy, selfish, crybaby, self harming and what more you put up with all of those things for so long. How come it took me so long to realize it? How come it hurt now that I've let you go and can never forgive what I've done? I can't believe how much I'm missing you. But I could never tell you the truth, why? Because I am to prideful to egotistical to even admit that my heart is torn, that my mind goes blank whenever I think of you, that if I was ever asked myself if I missed you I would say "No, I hate him with all my heart" but in my heart I know I'm missing you to death. I'm doing this for my own selfish gain, even if it means hurting you in the end I'll do it if it meant saving you. I don't mind becoming the bad guy, being the person everyone hates if it meant making you smile. It been to long since I've last seen you I wonder if you smile, I wonder if you laugh, I wonder if you cry, I wonder if you even think of me while your with her. I guess it can't be helped, I brought this upon myself and I'll keep hurting you. I know I'm going to run from you because every time I see you leaving I want to grab you and tell you never to leave me again. But I'm trying to save you, your smile, your laugh, and the happiness you gained with your own hard work. What am I saving you from? Myself of course.