Sea of Emotions
I am lying in a sea of emotions.
Emotions so raw and pure, that they overwhelm.
Regret, the many regrets of feeling special.
Regret of feeling worthy.
Regret of believing I could be loved.
Regret of being naive and once again being the fool.
Anger, the anger of self-righteousness.
Anger of my stupidity.
Anger at you for the betrayal.
Anger that fuels a burning rage of revenge.
Numb, so numb at times that I am lost.
Numb to everyone else's pain.
Numb to my heart and soul.
Numb to the reality set before me.
Sadness also surrounds me.
Saddened due to loss of worth.
Saddened by my ever wondering thoughts.
Sadness prevails through the pain and rage.
Despair reaches it claws into my soul.
Despair of if this can be repaired.
Despair of if you even care what you've done to me.
Despair of if you are more concerned for her instead of me, instead of us.
Revenge, I want it so bad that I cannot see beyond it.
Revenge rages in my heart, though I know I should let it go.
Revenge is what I crave for the cruelty rendered.
Revenge leads me to loneliness.
Loneliness that goes to my core.
Loneliness that stops me from reaching for you in the middle of the night.
Loneliness is what I see before me.
I still love you and am angry and hurt.
Loneliness is what I see when you look at me.
Yet, I was the one who was betrayed.
My heart was eviscerated out of my chest.
I am open and bleeding. I am raw.
I am a walking shadow of my former self.
I want you. I want us. I want her to pay.
I feel too much and not enough.
I do not know if I can survive.
Survive these changing emotions.
Survive these doubts and fears.
Survive from the storm of YOU.
I know I will try.
I will try to forgive.
I do not know if I can forget.
I know I love you.
Wish I could hate you.
I hate her. Even though you are to blame too.
This sea of emotions is churning so much, I fear they will drown me.
Copyright © Kristy De La Keur Scoville | Year Posted 2018
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