Saving a Marriage
It's a curiosity to me
how we are so alike,
yet, so different in this manner.
I could never survive in your union,
my soul craves a more intimate bond.
You want things to change, and
need a starting point.
The definition of Marriage
is one you both should explore--
I think you'll find you have very
different definitions.
"Do years count?"
Only if they were good ones;
Only if you can look back and say
they made you a stronger couple.
"How about loyalty and fidelity?"
They count, but it is more than body;
It's the day to day of putting his needs
before yours of trying to make him happy,
of trying to be happy with him. Have you
done this faithfully?
"Why is it all about sex to him?"
Perhaps it more about cleaving,
feeling connected. Can you honestly say
you've felt that in a while?
Is sex not that to you?
Touch keeps you connected,
and denying him has left a void.
You are of words;
He is of the physical.
Try talking while holding his hand,
then both of you are connected.
It's a small start.
"What about raising our children?"
An important task, no doubt,
and it draws you closer if you do it as a team,
but it can also push you apart.
It can be a reason to talk
at each other
instead of to each other.
Another task to be done in a busy day,
running in opposite directions to meet their "needs."
But were they really their's,
or were they a convenient excuse to
head in a different direction--
the ultimate avoidance.
I listen to you talk about wanting to go to counseling,
but I wonder if you are ready to make the changes.
It's not all him;
It's not all you;
It's the both of you, wanting to change together.
It's finding the friend you married, and
committing to making it work.
Twenty-five years is a long time
to wallpaper over the issues
that are stacked in layers.
Now it is time for the hard work
of tearing it all off, and resurfacing.
Are you up to remodeling your home?
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