Sam the Dog and Pearl the Cat

Sam the dog and Pearl the cat Were sitting on the wall They do it every day So it isn't strange at all They have little conversations Which only they can understand They talk about their little quirks And none of them are planned Pearl goes first of course And Sam lets her have her say He knows better than to interrupt He learnt his lesson the other day “I scratch my scratching post And I chase my clockwork mouse I leave my loving mistress Little gifts all around the house I eat all of my food Then I use my litter tray Or sometimes one of her slippers When she looks the other way I sleep lots throughout the day Until about half past seven Then I think it’s playtime Until well after eleven Each day she fills my water bowl But I don't use it for a drink I prefer to use the kitchen tap While balancing on the sink I like to lodge my face in things And my mistress gets fed up The other day I got it stuck Inside a paper cup I've got a lovely padded bed For when I need a sleep But I sleep in the bathroom hand-basin It’s nice and cool and deep I love it on a Tuesday My mistress gets her magazine I sit my bottom on it It’s pages sight unseen One of my favourite pastimes Is scratching on the door I make her think I want to go out Then I curl up on the floor I put on my needy face When I smell nice food My mistress never shares with me How can she be so rude? I like to go upstairs On the bed I like to lie down Nestled in a furry ball On a fluffy dressing gown Sometimes I hide in cupboards Then suddenly jump out My mistress tells me off for startling her You probably hear her shout I sit on the laptop keyboard While my owner tries to chat To her human friends on Facebook I soon put a stop to that” Sam now has his say at last And looks straight at Pearl, the cat “You think you get into mischief, Well I can better that I love going into town Though it isn’t very far My favourite thing is the lovely breeze On my head out of the window of the car Sometimes my mistress brings me a doggy bag From her favourite restaurant It contains all of my favourite things She knows exactly what I want Last week she took me in the car Allegedly to the park It was really a trip to the vets for ‘the snip' I was totally kept in the dark I do a vanishing act at bath time I always hide under the bed So I get taken out to the garden And end up getting hosed-down instead Whenever my belly is scratched No matter where we are I lay on my back with my legs in the air As if playing an air-guitar I love rolling in smelly stuff Much to my owner’s dismay It's one of my favourite pastimes I do it almost every day I'm the master of the head-tilt When I smell nice food on the table I sometimes get some scraps But not from greedy aunt Mabel Odd times I chase my tail I chase it round and round Then I spin around a couple of times Before exhaustedly lying down I keep eating grass When my tummy is upset But sometimes I eat too much And I end up at the vet” It’s almost five ‘o’ clock Both hear the rattling of a tin That sound means it is dinner time Time to be going in Sam gently says to Pearl “See you tomorrow, the same time” Pearl preens her whiskers and purrs softly Then over the wall she starts to climb Sam spies a muddy patch He'll save it for another day Then he'll see his pal, Pearl the cat, When she’s next out to play