Sadomasochistic Twerp

In heady elevated state Breathing tempered heart rate and blood pressure at an acceptable level Smile broad upon my face Dare I say even possibly momentary happy Given this ? What I do and cones next Makes absolutely no sense at all As I do the complete opposite That what makes me unhappiest of all So given this ? Should I then be considered Sane or in full control of my facilities at all Or have a sadomasochistic destructive personality Or am merely just plainly stupid and not really worthy Of have being being blessed with the gift of a brain at all Sadly probably the later Because in reality I am a dumb schmuck even at the best of times And don't do myself any favors or help myself at all