Remembering, Part Three
I can't picture things like other people do;
But I think of that photo.
I feel the pain in my face,
And I remember thinking;
"I should have been there, how could I leave my mum there".
I felt like I'd left her for this to happen,
I ran away as soon as I could and left her there.
Mum was never the problem.
I love my mum.
I miss her.
And my mum is still alive,
She's moved far away and my dad only lives with her part time now.
But it is burned into the corners of my mind;
That photo made me realize;
I'm just like my mother.
My fianceé hasn't lashed out in months,
But last time he did,
I laid there and I thought of mum.
I was walking away from a fight with him.
He grabbed me and threw me on the floor.
I got up and tried to leave, he wrapped his arms around my waist and picked me up,
Then threw me back down.
I didn't get back up.
I just covered my head with my arms and waited.
He stood over me and he swung his foot towards my chest - and the impact knocked the air out of my lungs.
And then, he did it again. And then again.
I said "stop" so many times.
His foot would hit my shoulder or my chest, and I'd be shoved back and my back and my neck would hit the table legs behind me.
I said I was sorry. I said stop.
Then I heard my dad's words in my fiancees voice:
He asked me,
"what are you gonna do?"
For the first time in 7 years with him;
I said;
"I could call the cops."
He said "call them" and he kicked me in the face.
I didn't call the cops, I was scared of them showing up at my house.
But I didn't dismiss what I was thinking about my mum.
I didn't shove it into the back of my mind and say "this is different, he loves me".
I called a women's shelter.
Mum doesn't have to worry.
I will not be a punished woman.
She told me I have to be stronger than her;
And that doesn't mean I have to be strong and put up with it.
She was telling me to leave.
She told me,
"Love is a b*@#$ when you've got it for the wrong person".
And I'm gonna listen, mum.
I'm sorry it took me this long.
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