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Remain with me just a moment more

Remain with me just a moment more, close this door Let this heart become steady, until it is ready, to let you go Just spend five more minutes with me so that every grief coming toward me stop The heavens and the Earth stops, all stars drop,the time stops And I can see you a slight moment more Let me admire your beautiful hairs, your skin so pretty, so fair How can I live without you, you are the only one I care Where is your promise, that vow, that intention The intention of staying with me in this world and in heaven The intention of being with me forever, That was the most dreadful day I ever lived, The God and angels know my pain, that s why they let the whole day rain Even the angels couldn't stop, they also cried No one eyes whether in Earth, in heavens or in sky were dry I still cry for you, every single day I remember you There s no no point in celebrating as my happiness Which was with you has gone, leaving me totally alone I m sick of crying, tired of lying I may be smiling but inside I'm dying

Copyright © | Year Posted 2017




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Date: 7/9/2018 2:14:00 PM
I feel your pain my friend God never sleeps you will find solace
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Date: 8/1/2017 8:41:00 AM
What a heartfelt write***
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Date: 7/26/2017 11:07:00 AM
its good but dont use the same words as much . but over all thats what you feel in your heart than go with it very good
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Date: 7/14/2017 8:18:00 AM
I could feel the distress of the emotion, lost love is the most powerful emotion. Well done Faraz!
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Date: 7/11/2017 5:44:00 AM
Very well written, Faraz. Could be accompanied by music, too. Chords. Could be sung in the desert or in a cafe and stll talk to people's hearts. :)
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Date: 7/3/2017 8:32:00 AM
Nice lines (see s.mail) :)
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Date: 6/30/2017 9:37:00 AM
This is fantastic, so fantastic. Coming to this page feels predestined because I feel so satisfied. Thanks for the wonderful share.
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Date: 6/24/2017 9:25:00 AM
A lot of emotions captured in one poem. The most truthful pieces are the ones we identify with. Answering to your question- it's a guy talking about a woman.
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Date: 6/22/2017 1:12:00 PM
Thanks for the feedback and kind words Faraz. I liked your poem here as well, you capture heartbreak and the yearning all too well. I would try to pattern your cadence and will help with the flow and bring your reader even further in. I'm sorry for your heartbreak, please take solace in knowing your not alone. ~Ben
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Date: 6/22/2017 8:15:00 AM
Wow, That was a heart felt poem. Lots of feeling, which is what poetry is about. I could almost feel your pain. I really like this poem.
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Date: 6/22/2017 8:12:00 AM
Find one key word for your title like "Remain" Delete 'just' from your writing wherever possible. Sample: remain a moment more sample: spend a few minutes sample: your absence, tremendous pain SIMPLIFY AND DELETE EXTRANEOUS WORDS. That is what I believe makes good poetry. I hope this helped and I send it with best wishes. You have talent and should continue to write. For more help you might want to consider signed up for my blog where I teach creative writing and more. http://www.writeratplay.com/2017/06/02/motivational-moments-for-writers-30/
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Date: 6/22/2017 8:05:00 AM
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Date: 6/21/2017 8:50:00 AM
Very beautiful poem. Well done.
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Date: 6/21/2017 6:41:00 AM
Oh Faraz..... This is so beautiful yet heart breaking too. There's no time limit on grief, never allow anyone to tell you different. Keep up the amazing work. Regards Kay
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Date: 6/21/2017 1:56:00 AM
Very sad and well put. I like it and the last two lines sum it up. Maybe give them an extra stanza? Many wishes, Kai
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Date: 6/20/2017 10:45:00 AM
The heart wants what it wants. It's hard to let someone go even when it's for the best .
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Date: 6/20/2017 7:26:00 AM
Wow ...excellent poem ...deep and emotional... will done
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Date: 6/20/2017 6:39:00 AM
My favorite verse begins "it was the saddest day..." Even the angels were crying with you. Lots of emotion. Blessings, Faraz!
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Date: 6/20/2017 3:41:00 AM
It's such a beautiful sadness! I like how you repeat "you" by the way, even in the end, it makes me sure how much you think of that person, you're obsessed with her, with this "you" and it's stuck in your heart. You could emphasize it even more. Thank you!
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Date: 6/19/2017 6:21:00 PM
Hi Faraf , wow , grief is a big struggle for all of us , beautifully write , sorrowful deep emotional , the one tip I will say is never end a sentence with same word on the next line :))))) well done great write my friend
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