Faraz Ajmal Poet Romanticism

Remain With Me Just a Moment More

Remain with me just a moment more, close this door
Let this heart become steady, until it is ready, to let you go
Just spend five more minutes with me
so that every grief coming towards me stops
The heavens and the Earth close, all the stars drop, time stops
And I can see you a slight moment more

Let me admire your beautiful hair, your skin so pretty, so fair
How can I live without you, you are the only one I care
Where is your promise, that vow, that intention
The intention of staying with me in this world and in heaven  


That was the most dreadful day I ever lived,
The God and angels knew my pain, that's why they let the whole day rain 
Even the angels couldn't stop, they also cried
No one eyes in Earth, heavens or sky were dry

♡Like0

Share Poem

---

Post Comments

Poetrysoup is an environment of encouragement and growth so only provide specific positive comments that indicate what you appreciate about the poem. Negative comments will result your account being banned.

Please Login to post a comment

Al Juman July 9, 2018 at 2:14 PM I feel your pain my friend God never sleeps you will find solace

Luayne Fraser August 1, 2017 at 8:41 AM What a heartfelt write***

Ashley Rainwater July 26, 2017 at 11:07 AM its good but dont use the same words as much . but over all thats what you feel in your heart than go with it very good

John Hamilton July 14, 2017 at 8:18 AM I could feel the distress of the emotion, lost love is the most powerful emotion. Well done Faraz!

Archontoula Alexandropoulou July 11, 2017 at 5:44 AM Very well written, Faraz. Could be accompanied by music, too. Chords. Could be sung in the desert or in a cafe and stll talk to people's hearts. :)

Sunita U.D Palawon July 3, 2017 at 8:32 AM Nice lines (see s.mail) :)

Funom Makama June 30, 2017 at 9:37 AM This is fantastic, so fantastic. Coming to this page feels predestined because I feel so satisfied. Thanks for the wonderful share.

Danka Sikorska June 24, 2017 at 9:25 AM A lot of emotions captured in one poem. The most truthful pieces are the ones we identify with. Answering to your question- it's a guy talking about a woman.

Benjamin Foss June 22, 2017 at 1:12 PM Thanks for the feedback and kind words Faraz. I liked your poem here as well, you capture heartbreak and the yearning all too well. I would try to pattern your cadence and will help with the flow and bring your reader even further in. I'm sorry for your heartbreak, please take solace in knowing your not alone. ~Ben

D.W. Carter-Poet June 22, 2017 at 8:15 AM Wow, That was a heart felt poem. Lots of feeling, which is what poetry is about. I could almost feel your pain. I really like this poem.

Trisha Sugarek June 22, 2017 at 8:12 AM Find one key word for your title like "Remain" Delete 'just' from your writing wherever possible. Sample: remain a moment more sample: spend a few minutes sample: your absence, tremendous pain SIMPLIFY AND DELETE EXTRANEOUS WORDS. That is what I believe makes good poetry. I hope this helped and I send it with best wishes. You have talent and should continue to write. For more help you might want to consider signed up for my blog where I teach creative writing and more. http://www.writeratplay.com/2017/06/02/motivational-moments-for-writers-30/

Trisha Sugarek June 22, 2017 at 8:05 AM

Frances Schiavina June 21, 2017 at 8:50 AM Very beautiful poem. Well done.

Kay Roberts June 21, 2017 at 6:41 AM Oh Faraz..... This is so beautiful yet heart breaking too. There's no time limit on grief, never allow anyone to tell you different. Keep up the amazing work. Regards Kay

Kai Michael Neumann June 21, 2017 at 1:56 AM Very sad and well put. I like it and the last two lines sum it up. Maybe give them an extra stanza? Many wishes, Kai

Debbie Duncan June 20, 2017 at 10:45 AM The heart wants what it wants. It's hard to let someone go even when it's for the best .

Sonya Stewart June 20, 2017 at 7:26 AM Wow ...excellent poem ...deep and emotional... will done

Kim Rodrigues June 20, 2017 at 6:39 AM My favorite verse begins "it was the saddest day..." Even the angels were crying with you. Lots of emotion. Blessings, Faraz!

Daria Tris June 20, 2017 at 3:41 AM It's such a beautiful sadness! I like how you repeat "you" by the way, even in the end, it makes me sure how much you think of that person, you're obsessed with her, with this "you" and it's stuck in your heart. You could emphasize it even more. Thank you!