Reflections

Sometimes my mind will wander, 
about what used to be, 
the way I used to live my life, 
the many things I did see,
for my journey was long,
with many bumps along the way,
regrets too can't to count,
I wish they would all just go away,
the past is the past I know,
and the future is what's important,
but I can't help but dwell,
on things I never dealt with before,
because sometimes time can't heal,
and the past won't be forgotten,
it will follow me day and night,
until my very last breath,
I wish I could ignore,
many things from before,
or truly believe when I say,
"I was a different person before",
I know that this is true,
that my ways have completely changed,
but I can't help but feel,
I'll never be so different,
that bad things will always happen,
from what's happened before,
I wish when I think back on those times, 
that I wasn't so sickened,
that I didn't want to cry, or maybe,
just that I would.
I want so bad to tell it all, to one listening ear,
but can't bare to break their hearts,
because of how much they'll care,
I just want them to understand,
that my pain is more than they know,
and I shut them out to protect them,
from what they don't need to know,
sometimes it hurts so bad,
I just want it to end,
I wish God would end me now,
so I don't have to hurt again.
I wish I could cry for the reasons why I hurt,
I wish i could stop all the pain,
I wish my heart would go numb,
because I feel like I'm going insane,
why can't anyone help me?
why can't I help myself?
why can't I just let it go,
and completely shut that door?

Copyright © Janelle Sarah | Year Posted 2006

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