Ian Souter Poet Free verse

Redemption

Redemption

I was young, when I remember my mother
clasping me with a dinosaur of a hug;
the type that would last all day!
Then she caught a bus to go shopping;
I waited ..put the day on hold.. waited.
And painfully, I am still waiting,
for she never returned – ever!

From then on, my father was home much more
but he was always vague about life,
where he was and where he was going.
I learned later…. much later,
that my father was an actual criminal on the run!
(At that time I wasn’t sure what criminal meant…..
but I do now!)

My mother was gone, so my father was home!
But there was always a fog, a blurring around him.
You would ask a question and words like
sort of, maybe, I’m not sure, would vaguely flutter by.
He was a question mark with legs.
However he was loving and caring towards me
until the police arrived several times, and Dad said,
“Time for us to be gone…..to move on!”
I then learnt that my father was both a criminal 
and Mother of the Year!

Eventually I was softly told I was being fostered
(another word I didn’t know and grew to dislike).
I was put with a family but was never comfortable,
especially around my foster father with his pretend smile
and his very violent leather belt.
Each day my clothes became heavier;
I learnt to keep my eyes down, just disappear!
At night, I would lie in bed chasing sleepy sheep
until nightmares would crack open my eyelids.
Eventually, to my delight, my real dad reappeared
and we were on the road again.
Rucksack on my back and motel to motel,
drifting like steam, not much schooling 
…..only in crime.

He taught me to steal and told me stories
about working dog tracks and local markets.
Then his thoughts would drift off
seeking answers in the shadows.
However, one day the police took him away 
and this time he never returned.

I was put with foster parents who actually cared
until one day it was gently explained to me 
that my father had died in prison.
I suppose my father was an unsolvable jigsaw, 
always with a missing piece.
To this day I still wonder if my father’s love 
was redemption for who he was and what he had done.
Father to son…
“I am a good man, as I am a loving father!”

Ian Souter

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