Real Story

Once upon a time there was a son and his mum
He wanted to marry and mother agreed in a glum
But asked her sunny to show her a photo 
Of  that heart fighter from Rome or Kyoto
The son brought three photos 
Three creature of God
Three pearls from ocean,
Three petals from roses. 
And told that one is whom he dreams
 Whole nights losing sleep
Described his feelings so pure and deep
Look here my dear, look here my maa
 One is too close to my heart and others so far.
I wonder could you find
Which of them is my sweet heart
Do Mums know sons test
As somewhere I heard.
Mum looked at photo
For several minutes
And said: “she is!”
The sun was so shocked –
“How clever mum is?!”
“How did you guess about it
They all bonny and fair
If ones eyes are like diamonds
Second is milky white
Third is waved hair”.
How you could find my lover
From the only attempt
So easy and clear 
As in her brow was a stamp?
Did you like her eyelids what makes me mad?
Or liked her chicks as liked you dad?
“NO” said a mother with disgruntled face:
“When I look at this girl I am nervous”

Copyright © | Year Posted 2013



Post Comments

Poetrysoup is an environment of encouragement and growth so only provide specific positive comments that indicate what you appreciate about the poem. Negative comments will result your account being banned.

Please Login to post a comment

Date: 3/5/2013 7:31:00 PM
Saw your Facebook post and wanted to check out your art! I can't imagine writing poetry in English if it was not my first language! I loved your story and the flow of it! Very nice work. It is very hard to critique grammar in poetry because it has no set rules! I only noticed a few misused words, which could be intentional, and the last line " could be a nervous", kind of leaves the reader wondering if it was intentionally written that way. Keep up the good work! Really liked it!
Login to Reply
Travis Avatar
Andrea Travis
Date: 3/5/2013 7:34:00 PM
I misquoted your last line "becoming a nervous". Sorry about that! Loved your story! Very creative!
Get a Premium Membership
Get more exposure for your poetry and more features with a Premium Membership.
Book: Reflection on the Important Things

Member Area

My Admin
Profile and Settings
Edit My Poems
Edit My Quotes
Edit My Short Stories
Edit My Articles
My Comments Inboxes
My Comments Outboxes
Soup Mail
Poetry Contests
Contest Results/Status
Followers
Poems of Poets I Follow
Friend Builder

Soup Social

Poetry Forum
New/Upcoming Features
The Wall
Soup Facebook Page
Who is Online
Link to Us

Member Poems

Poems - Top 100 New
Poems - Top 100 All-Time
Poems - Best
Poems - by Topic
Poems - New (All)
Poems - New (PM)
Poems - New by Poet
Poems - Read
Poems - Unread

Member Poets

Poets - Best New
Poets - New
Poets - Top 100 Most Poems
Poets - Top 100 Most Poems Recent
Poets - Top 100 Community
Poets - Top 100 Contest

Famous Poems

Famous Poems - African American
Famous Poems - Best
Famous Poems - Classical
Famous Poems - English
Famous Poems - Haiku
Famous Poems - Love
Famous Poems - Short
Famous Poems - Top 100

Famous Poets

Famous Poets - Living
Famous Poets - Most Popular
Famous Poets - Top 100
Famous Poets - Best
Famous Poets - Women
Famous Poets - African American
Famous Poets - Beat
Famous Poets - Cinquain
Famous Poets - Classical
Famous Poets - English
Famous Poets - Haiku
Famous Poets - Hindi
Famous Poets - Jewish
Famous Poets - Love
Famous Poets - Metaphysical
Famous Poets - Modern
Famous Poets - Punjabi
Famous Poets - Romantic
Famous Poets - Spanish
Famous Poets - Suicidal
Famous Poets - Urdu
Famous Poets - War

Poetry Resources

Anagrams
Bible
Book Store
Character Counter
Cliché Finder
Poetry Clichés
Common Words
Copyright Information
Grammar
Grammar Checker
Homonym
Homophones
How to Write a Poem
Lyrics
Love Poem Generator
New Poetic Forms
Plagiarism Checker
Poetry Art
Publishing
Random Word Generator
Spell Checker
Store
What is Good Poetry?
Word Counter
Hide Ad