Rain

I walked next to the still lake named after a saint in the rain. The roots of the pine trees, gnarled knotted, twisted pushing against the rocks and clay, dissolving it providing for life. Rain drenched me, mixing with my tears. I thought of a man living in a concrete castle who did not know he belonged in forests, walking through clean rivers with me, him as elven archer and me as elven scout slaying bugbears. I could still feel the way I wrapped my legs around his waist in the Lerderderg river, blending into one, the passion, lust and love intertwined and free. I caressed the moss of the ground, inhaling the smell of the fallen pine needles and leaves mixed with mud and clay reminding me of his coarse gray chest hair. I looked towards the open rural skies for turquoise and gold but it was too distant beyond the gray clouds. I got reminded of us walking down in downpour at night near Swan and Punt, next to roaring traffic where cars were to me elephants with battle armor with fire instead of eyes, and I just wanted to spin, and spin and spin and dance soaked in rain while you were rushing me to the shelter. I get put into these people-y situations at a pub and restaurant ogling the waitress while just wanting to be next to you. We rate her on scale one to ten and I find myself unable to flirt with her as I am overwhelmed with sounds reminding me of the warzone triggering my neurodiverse senses. I look at my two wolves drenched like rats, replacements for your presence and I just want to scream that I want you here and I do not care it will be ing Brady Bunch just missing Alice, and that whole zoo cannot replace you, and that I want to be for once able to wake up next to you without cuddling a pillow and that I want our lives less complicated. Trees and the rain told me you belong here, and you just do not know it yet