Push and Pull
Push and Pull
Push me away again and again endlessly like a ball bouncing,
cancel our dates and blow me away across the ocean like smoke,
ignore my messages from time to time whenever it suits you,
leave me unread while my broken heart waits for a sign.
Pull me back with a phone call when you feel lonely at night,
crave my closeness in your empty and cold desolate space,
open a small crack for me in your tall stone wall,
when you're in the mood to chase a fantasy to save you.
Push me away to avoid the rejection that terrifies you so,
get angry at me for leaving when you disappear without a trace,
shut down in the face of that tender connection that scares you,
run from the internal conflict between shame and your fear of intimacy.
Pull me back with a small symbolic effort when it suits you,
when you long for warm understanding you can't find elsewhere,
holding my emotions hostage and causing only pain and confusion,
seeking the validation your ego demands constantly like a child.
Push me away from a love that heals and that would save you,
build your wall and call it peace though it's just masked fear,
close yourself off and suffocate from your heart that feels too much too deep,
without trust and now your control must keep growing more and more.
Pull me back when you mourn my adoration that you've missed,
care deeply but hide your feelings when they're seen by others,
true feelings that lift you toward ecstasy and pure happiness,
but now I'm tired of feeling unseen and ignored all the time.
Push and pull push and pull like a yoyo that never stops moving,
your control game in which I'm the puppet who dances,
when you want me you call when you don't you throw me like an old toy,
and I sit here waiting for you to decide if you want me or not today.
Your wall has a crack through which you throw crumbs of affection,
enough to keep me hooked but never enough to satisfy me,
you call it peace but it's just a prison you've barricaded yourself in,
afraid to feel too much afraid to open yourself completely ever.
Your phone calls come when loneliness eats you from the inside,
when your empty space becomes too cold and too hollow to bear,
then you open the crack in the wall and call me back to you,
but only for a moment only until fear returns and you push me away again.
I leave you messages that remain unread in your phone like dead letters,
while my broken heart waits for an answer that never comes,
or comes too late or comes when it no longer matters because it hurts too much,
your game of disappearing and reappearing makes me feel crazy and lost.
You run from the tender connection that forms between us when we talk,
a connection that scares you because it means vulnerability and risk,
because it means giving up the control you hold onto with your teeth,
because it means showing yourself as you are with your wounds and fears.
The internal conflict between shame and fear makes you run back always,
to hide behind the wall and pretend that everything is fine,
but you cancel dates and push me away when it becomes too real,
when feelings become too deep and too dangerous for you.
And then when loneliness becomes too heavy and when you long for me,
you make a small symbolic effort a phone call a quick visit an empty promise,
enough to pull me back into your toxic game of push and pull,
enough to hold my emotions hostage and cause only repeated pain.
You seek the validation your ego demands like a drug addict,
you want to know I still think of you that I still desire you that I still adore you,
but when I give you that adoration you take it and then disappear again,
leaving me with an empty heart and the question of why I'm never enough.
The love that heals scares you the most because it's real and deep,
so you push it away and build the wall higher and thicker,
you call it peace but it's just isolation and control and masked fear,
you suffocate yourself with your heart that feels but that you clutch to your chest.
You don't trust anyone not even yourself and not me either,
so control becomes your only safety your only weapon of defense,
but the more you increase control the more you lose what matters,
the more you push me away until one day I won't come back anymore.
You mourn my adoration when you realize I've truly left,
you care deeply but can't show it because it's too dangerous,
true feelings lift you to ecstasy but you hide them as if they're shameful,
and now I'm so tired of feeling unseen and unloved all the time.
I'm tired of the push and pull game that never ends ever,
tired of the crack in the wall that opens and closes on command,
tired of being called back only when you want only when it suits you,
tired of waiting for an answer that doesn't come or comes too late always.
My broken heart has waited too long while you decided,
whether you want me or not whether you push or pull me today or tomorrow,
but now I'm tired of this whole toxic and endless circus,
tired of feeling unseen when all I want is to be loved simply and clearly.
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