Punishing Herself Gladly

Ideas bark and growl One of them bites her But still she persists Punishing herself by not writing Not painting Not doing anything she likes to do She deserves to be flogged, whipped, and beaten She made a big mistake, She is determined to ruin the rest of her life if necessary Why don’t you write something? Another encourages her He has no idea what she has done. She withdraws into the small place inside her heart Where she can drag in her soul and paint it an ugly gray A hideous brown place with thorns and prickly pokey things Her enemy has a name But she is too angry to use it now She is not human; she is a mistake. Punishing herself gladly Not giving herself one ounce of relief, hope or encouragement. The soul sighs, remembering other times like this Hoping this time will be different.