Poems Not Quite Bad Enough for Worst Verse Contest
Truly Ghastly Apple Core Story
"My dad, Edgar Allan Poe, said, 'Son, let's explore!'
An apple, he hand selected from the store,
and gave to me with a look that did implore
me, as if he wanted something more,
when I handed him the core.
I looked into his morbid eyes,
and said, 'Were you expecting pies?
There are many ways an apple dies,
I thought I'd give you a surprise
with the means of this fruit's demise.'"
These are the words I recited in a hall,
not Carnagie, someplace humbler in Montreal,
with a result I could not forestall.
An apple core just missed and hit the wall,
sliding down in a ghastly fall.
Granny Smith
In our family's lore or myth,
lies a blight, hard to contend with.
Can time or sugar ever sweeten,
memories of mom's mom being eaten -
our dearest Granny Smith?
I began to sob and cry,
as we ate Grandma in a pie,
My mom said, "Shut the eff up.
You'll just have to buck up -
and don't be so literal. For once just try."
A Feather in My Cap
You put a feather in my cap.
Then a bird gave me a slap
and told me in uncertain terms,
"To me this just reaffirms
that your friend is not well-bred.
This feather belongs in my head".
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