Pieces

Dear Mom: Some days are better than others. Most days I try to keep my head up and stay focused on the things that make me the happiest. But often, that just isnt enough. I have realized that on days I do not need you, those are the easiest for me. But the days I need you the most, eat at me from the inside out. Im an 18 yr old girl. I feel forced to grow up too fast, too soon. But there is not much I can do about that. I try so hard to just let you go, but I cant. No matter the pain you put me through, no matter how deep the hurt is, I cannot do it. Because you are my mother. Because I am not strong enough to let go of someone I love so much. Its so weird to me because you have given me so many reasons to just walk away, but I can't. Your actions get to me more than I let on. Im broken inside because I know you will never come back to me. I miss you so much, mom. But I dont know what you have become. I look at the more fortunate, and I envy what they have. I want my mom back more than anything. And nobody understands what I am forced to face everyday. But Im so sick of pretending to be happy when inside Im just a mess. Im so lost. I dont even know how to begin looking in the right direction anymore. I feel helpless, towards even myself. I didnt choose for my life to be this way. I had no other options. Pieces Push me harder. Push me farther. Why don't you just dig your hole a little deeper. I miss the days that we were happy. Confused on what to do, knowing that i can not keep hating you. But what is a girl to do. I can not change the past, I can only look to the future. Try so hard to keep up my guard, still some days i just cry so hard. These tears are flowing steady like a river. My bottom lip is a constant, annoying quiver. Keep my heart beating, please do not let me fall. My heart is aching. I even heard it breaking. Please piece it back together, it is in a million little pieces, and I just cannot do this forever. I am ready to be done. I will do whatever it takes, just take this pain away. Please tell me that you will stay. Be your true self today. It has been so long since I have seen you this way. I just need to know that you are still there. It will relieve just a little despair. Please, just let me know you care.