Pie Eyed - For the Night Before Contest
Pie Eyed (for The Night Before Contest)
Twas the night before Christmas and I’d lost me house
I had to get home and sneak past me spouse
She’d sent me to purchase a dozen mince pies
I never expected to meet with the guys
So kicking and screaming got dragged down the pub
And entered the draw for a hamper of grub
If I didn’t win, she’d find out my sin
And my Christmas dinner would be in the bin
Had a few beers and then a few more
The tannoy announced it was time for the draw
Yippee, I won it, but didn’t win big
I opened the basket and had a good dig
About as much use as a bucket of dung
Biscuits for cheese, soup, pilchards and tongue
Checked out the clock and resigned to my fate
I staggered off home in a right wobbly state
Not finding one’s house might seem rather bleak
Perhaps I should mention we’d lived there a week
And then there it was, front door open wide
I nipped up the stairs once I’d nipped inside
Then I found the bedroom door slightly ajar
My wife’s standing there in her panties and bra
But then I thought, ‘My wife ain’t got shapely thighs’
And that’s when her husband punched out me mince pies
So blackened and bruised, with my own doorbell rung
I suffered the wrath of my wife’s wicked tongue
28 November 2018
The Night Before Contest
Sponsor - Joseph May
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