Parent's Regrets

Sometimes I sit and wonder why 
no ones allowed to turn back time?
No quarter given to right their wrongs, 
forgiveness for the things they've done;

Worked too hard, grew up too fast, 
and all that gave me was a past;
no credit given for deeds I've done; 
critically examined by everyone;

Forever judged by one mistake, 
It's not the only one I made;
I tried and failed to make them see, 
the judged mistake was so tiny; 

If they could see inside my mind, 
they'd be afraid of what they'd find;
What lurks beneath cloaked in disguise, 
trapped inside by watchful eyes;

No matter how deep the grudge, 
I am myself my own worst judge;
For we all  hide within ourselves, 
cloaked in shadow the sins we weld;

But when our time is finally near, 
we realize our own worst fear.
my mind alone is where I'll be, 
so dark and lonely no one can see;

It's my mind alone I have to fear; 
my sins enlarged beyond compare;
You find yourself like all the rest, 
failing to credit good deeds past;

Trapped inside your minds own eye, 
you watch as you begin to die. 
Forgetting right, remembering wrong, 
I focus now on those I've harmed;

I want a chance to take it back, 
and give you the life you should have had;
I am sorry I was not there, 
selfish me how much I cared;

You both grew just grew up too fast, 
before I knew it my life was past;
Now I sit all alone, 
wondering where my life has gone;

Was I so selfish? my sins so great? 
My soul cries out my heart still shakes; 
Will you forgive my being late, 
or the times I could not wait?;

So my precious little one; 
now I am the vulnerable one; 
At your mercy I beg you please; 
just one more day is all I need;

I want a chance to make it right, 
not just your day but entire life;
I'd take it back if I could, 
and finish what was left undone;

Cloak of guilt  hard to shed; 
accountable to all who cared;
Sword of judgment in our hands; 
if we fail to make amends;

So please let me turn back the time 
and be at peace in my own mind.

Copyright © Sheila Van Zant | Year Posted 2017

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