Pain In the Dark

I lay in the dark of the night hours, trying to sleep As the pain returns like an unwanted visitor Invading my home, invading my mind and heart --- But the grief must be --- Memories of my real father ripped out of my life Race through my mind like a noisy freight train The night is so familiar, like those nights years ago When I would cry myself to sleep, difficult to breathe Feeling abandoned, terrified, lost in the empty bed There is no re-uniting, he has passed before I could speak --- He is dead --- His love for me was something I needed, lasting until now The pain sits inside of me, like a lead ball, heavy, unresolved It is so deep, when relived, it feels like I cannot not make it Thankfully, I know this has happened many times, so I do I clutch the blanket, wipe the tears off my face again As if they are an endless river, around every scary bend These traumatic memories that haunt me in such a way I pray, I plead, until tears stop falling for now, for this night Until I am so tired, my eyes shut to sleep in the darkness I wake, thankful the feelings were released again for now --- Today is a new day --- Heidi Sands 8/21/17