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Pain Behind the Mask

She masks the pain from her face Replaces it with a smile, Convinces you of her happieness Just for a little while. But then the cracks begin to show And the mask begins to slip, You see her world unwravel slowly Like paper rip by rip. Though her worlds in pieces She gaurds those pieces tight, She'll find a way to fix herself She may not get it quite right. But she will come out of this fighting She always finds a way, She stands tall and tells herself "Tommorrows another day".

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Keith Osborne

Date: 5/5/2017 3:02:00 PM

Nicely done. Very relatable subject. I stumbled a little with stanza three, nothing a second read couldn't remedy. I am excited to read more of your work.

Keith Osborne
Date: 5/6/2017 9:24:00 AM

Edit: "...don't let my opinion..." not see. Mixing of thoughts. Bad habit, sorry.

Keith Osborne
Date: 5/6/2017 9:22:00 AM

Carly, please don't see my feeble opinion be considered criticism. I am not versed well enough to be thought of as a critic. I hope that I didn't come across as uncouth with my thought. However, I like the change that you made. I never want a poet to fiddle with their work on my account, so I hope you did that of your own volition. I am just an amateur after all.

Carly Davies
Date: 5/5/2017 6:27:00 PM

Yeah think i need help with putting things in the right places and the words often seem to rushed together.. thanks for the critism helps to knownwhere im going wrong.. thanks keith xx

Lenna Walker

Date: 5/2/2017 9:49:00 PM

This is great Carly. In message and flow. I found this while browsing the site, sorry I'm late. :)

Carly Davies
Date: 5/4/2017 3:22:00 PM

Thank you so much for your feedback lenna i dont get much on my poems not sure if their what prople are lookimg for but they are from the heart :)xx

Doug Vinson

Date: 4/17/2017 12:56:00 PM

Good read, Carly. : ) The rhythm and syllable count work very well.

Carly Davies
Date: 4/17/2017 12:58:00 PM

Thank you doug, nice when someone says something lovely like that. I know i need work but their all from the heart... x