Despair

For thus  I am  entangled in a web of despair!
        A widow's orb of woven thread.
'Tis a stalker's venom that keeps me there.
      A visceral poison; paralyzing it spreads.
Transformed; trampled, worn and threadbare!
      Wherewith in my mind; 'tis death that treads!
Bid me this death and I shall dare!
        A malignancy  that carries to suicide’s deathbeds.

Somewhere in whirlwinds dreary mist;
    Ruthless emotions that I’ve amassed.
O’ what of these debilitating migraines that still persist.
    Of these imperishable thoughts that last and last;
Then I question; what of my youth placed at risk;
    Gone like the dusk, dim and vast!
And of the fragrant flowers that no longer exist?
      Withered by remorse from my past!

A lonely dispirited soul, frayed by angst, I ride on misery's carousel;
      Persecuted by unquenchable blame;
Ensnared with guilt; shackled invisibly to a living hell.
      Plagued, tormented; a scorching paranoia set aflame.
I've suffered and watched as life slips away, a pitiful soul, an empty shell.
      What of this dishonor its tainted my name.
There in the darkest depths of the abyss where I dwell;
      I’m tormented in evil’s shame!

Guilt leads the way along this desolate journey; filled with anguish!
      And what of this wretched heart that keeps me stirring?
That’s perched me upon a precipice where my joy does languish;
    Alone and trembling!
O’ sweet joy, sweet precious joy, I pray do not vanish.
      I seek this buried treasure that keeps me yearning.
This desperate quest filled with years of dead despair, I cannot relinquish.
My eyes red, masked with anger; smoldering

'Tis a mighty river’s rush,  a surging anger dwelling deep within.
      A thunderous beating pulse pounds my chest,
Unbearable this terror; this debilitating din
      O’ this intolerable throbbing that I detest;
Its heaven’s glorious mercy I seek while engulfed in sin,
      My body quivers, I've given my all, I’ve done my best.
And sought relief, but realize that what’s to come has already been.
      For it is these demons that I cannot put to rest.

Copyright © Johnny Martinez | Year Posted 2017

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