Out of My Control

I am completely taken back with these emotions I never felt before… Like a child learning to walk, I am clumsy, scared and unsure… I thought I had it all together, but I am completely out of my element my control has weakened, my shield is useless….what am I to do? The rush never slows down within me, only gets accelerated by sudden bursts of unbearable pleasure and at times unbearable pain. I am chained to reality that every time I try to fly free, it jerks me back and reminds me, bruises me, puts me in my place, questions my character… How can it be so natural to love you this intensely and effortlessly but be so hard to control? This isn't a matter for the easy spirit in me that’s careless and flies through life with a giggle in her voice… this love puts me to test and I fail my own standards over and over again. How beautiful would it be, if these chains could come off and I stopped fighting and let myself be? You wouldn't have to hear my crying heart that’s fighting to be free, only hear the laughter of joy you bring to me.