Ordinary Magic
I can see him sitting across the room
my boyfriend,
which still feels weird to say sometimes
he’s laughing
it’s not even loud,
but it changes the room a little.
Like the world relaxes around him.
Am I the only one who sees it?
his hands are moving when he talks-
tapping the table.
He’s got some rhythm going
that I can't quite place.
sometimes I take his hand
just to feel that rhythm line up with mine
he smiles at me;
and there’s a small pause
before he says anything
like he’s holding the words in for a second
turning them over, over, and over in his mind.
Making sure they’re perfect before they're sent out
I’ve started noticing those things-
the way he tilts his head
the way he looks at me
the way he smiles when I say his name
he notices things
a leaf stuck on my dogs' face
a bird sitting on a wire
the way the light hits that wall
that cat sitting by the salon downtown, "look[ing] lonely"
normal things
that somehow don’t feel normal
when he points them out
I've started noticing them too, I don’t know when that happened
he’s thoughtful in a way
that doesn’t feel forced,
or calculated
like when he checks in on me
before I even realize I need it
or when he remembers something small that
I didn’t think mattered
No one really does that.
not for me
He’s patient,
gentle,
careful
kind
and I don’t think he realizes
how rare that is.
Do you know how terrifying that is
to be around someone like that
like they could just
change how you feel about everything
without even trying
when he takes my hand,
it’s warm,
his touch soft,
and I don’t feel like I have to explain myself,
which is new.
He makes space for me
without making it a big deal
just… does it
he notices when I’m anxious
before I do
laughs at things I didn’t mean to be funny
pays attention
like it actually means something to him
like I actually mean something to him
he does that for everyone
that might be my favorite part
the way he listens
the way he shows up
like whoever he’s with matters more than anything else in that moment
everything feels a little different
when he’s around
Lighter.
Not in an artificial way.
things just make more sense
even the quiet
when we’re not talking,
and he’s just looking out a window
or noticing something small again
and I’m there, just
looking at him
feeling weirdly okay, and
almost
normal
like maybe I don’t have to try so hard.
He’s ordinary.
I know that
but it doesn’t feel like it.
Not from here
not when everything in my life
feels like magic
just because he’s in it
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