Alex Duffy | + Follow Poet |
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Open Letter

I've held some stuff inside for too long but this is my open letter 
I could be okay by myself, but I'd rather us be broken together
I want to mend the pieces of your heart that you think can't be fixed
I'll do everything I can to prove to you that heaven does exist 
always had half a brain I didn't think my actions all of the way through 
I put fighting my own demons on pause to save you
I hid my own problems so I could help you to deal with yours
I didn't mind getting more scars if it meant I was healing yours
We both know that we'd be great together 
Meg I know you still need to find yourself, but I won't wait forever
That's all I'm going to say on that
I don't want my train of thoughts to end up on the wrong track
I've held the weight of the world on my shoulders for so long, thankful I have a strong back
I've been trying to find positivity in my hard times
I'll make the stars bleed and my scars shine
Flashbacks of when I overdosed 9 years ago when I was 17 and sometimes I wake up with the tablet taste
I was ready to close my story because I didn't think I could get past the saddest page
Being asked why I did it, and I was embarrassed and scared
Most people saying "You're a boy and boys aren't supposed to share" 
Depression beating me down and all so called friends could say was "Man up" 
I felt like a child again because I had to learn to crawl before I could stand up
How do you explain all of the terrible things that depression puts into your head
I fought depression and tried to kill it, but it was me who bled 
Trying to avoid the dark thoughts as I would lay in bed alone 
Writing lyrics while blasting Eminem in my headphones
Wondering why my biological sperm donor didn't want to be a father
Put in foster care at age 3, by a teenager I was a self-harmer
I'm not writing this in order, because trying to organise my thoughts will make this harder 
I didn't cry when my biological sperm doner died, because I've always been my own dad
He passed when I was 14, and look at everything I've grown past 
I enjoy a drink myself, but I drink to where I'm comfortable and I'm careful 
You can ignore the world, but you can't avoid your own mind giving you an earful 
I thought I always had my aim right but I always seem to miss when it comes to love
Made it through the battles and storms without having anyone to clean and wipe my blood
Would you have different thoughts if you were reading this after my demise? 
Because most people dismiss the feelings of the depressed while they're alive 
People only seem to care once it's too late
This isn't a suicide note, but if I died before you read it, you would hope I'd wrote another page
I'm still going through a lot of things, but I'm trying to get myself together 
This isn't a poem, this is my open letter

Copyright © Alex Duffy | Year Posted 2018

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