Odds and Ends

He was always dressed in fashion And as he walked down the street Not many people noticed That he’d got both left feet He wore wide flared long trousers Boots with very square toed ends They caught on in clubs The latest fashion trend He could have had many lovers He’d never ever have to beg But he was conscious of Also having two left legs. When he’d put his human suit on Just before he’d left his little ship He’d not really bothered It fitted badly at one hip It was the first time he’d worn it His first visit to the human race And he was far too busy Admiring his human face He had to adopt very dark glasses When he’d found to his surprise Very few of the natives Had different hued eyes And he wasn’t being really very picky After all he was just a very junior erk But he did think it bad One arm didn’t work. It was an ill prepared mission really But he stuck it for a full earth week Only giving up when he Found he couldn’t speak It was poorest of mission preparations Couldn’t be really classed as bad luck That the human race Really didn’t cluck So they forged all the reports Lied for all they were worth Nothing worth having From the Planet Earth Then they’d hidden in the asteroid belt Watching hot films he’d stolen in Rome Until it was that time To proceed back home They’d received a hero’s welcome Reception with a large brass band And were declared Heroes of the land Because of that stupidity We have the currrent situation Where Earth remains a backwater Not joined the Galactic Federation