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Odds and Ends

He was always dressed in fashion
And as he walked down the street
Not many people noticed 
That he’d got both left feet
He wore wide flared long trousers
Boots with very square toed ends
They caught on in clubs
The latest fashion trend
He could have had many lovers
He’d never ever have to beg
But he was conscious of 
Also having two left legs.
When he’d put his human suit on 
Just before he’d left his little ship
He’d not really bothered 
It fitted badly at one hip
It was the first time he’d worn it
His first visit to the human race
And he was far too busy
Admiring his human face
He had to adopt very dark glasses
When he’d found to his surprise
Very few of the natives
Had different hued eyes
And he wasn’t being really very picky
After all he was just a very junior erk
But he did think it bad
One arm didn’t work.
It was an ill prepared mission really
But he stuck it for a full earth week
Only giving up when he
Found he couldn’t speak
It was poorest of mission preparations
Couldn’t be really classed as bad luck
That the human race
Really didn’t cluck
So they forged all the reports
Lied for all they were worth
Nothing worth having
From the Planet Earth
Then they’d hidden in the asteroid belt
Watching hot films he’d stolen in Rome
Until it was that time 
To proceed back home
They’d received a hero’s welcome
Reception with a large brass band
And were declared
Heroes of the land
Because of that stupidity 
We have the currrent situation
Where Earth remains a backwater
Not joined the Galactic Federation

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