OCD
Obsessive, cumpulsive disorder,
OCD,
Intrusive thoughts,
OCD,
Overthinking
OCD,
However you want to say it,
It all means the same thing,
It means sleepless nights,
Pages and pages of writing,
long walks, with no music playing,
Because the voice in your head keeps you entertained,
It’s overthinking until there’s nothing more to think about,
But you’ll never get to that point,
Because there’s always something,
It’s getting stressed out about the little things,
Because everything matters to you,
It’s replaying convos in your head months after they’ve happened,
But you keep doing it,
Because somewhere between then and now somethings changed,
You just don’t know what,
You wish you did,
But you dont,
It’s planing conversations prior to doing them,
But them never actually happening,
Because that’s what OCD is,
It’s thinking of every possible scenario,
But forgetting the possibility of never running into them,
Never needing to talk about it,
Never being asked the question you thought would come up,
Its a hard thing to live with,
But there’s no escape,
There is no way to stop thinking,
The more you try the worse it gets,
But saying it’ll never get better is false,
Because it does get better,
Eventually you’ll learn how to manage,
But manage doesn’t mean solve,
Manage doesn’t mean fix,
Manage doesn’t make the pain go away,
Manage means it’ll become liveable,
Tolerable,
Bearable,
But the pain never fully stops,
The headache never fully goes away,
But the voice in your head will learn to whisper,
As you find your peace,
But it will never stop talking,
And that’s the way it should be,
Because that voice is you,
It makes you who you are,
Without it,
You wouldn’t quite be the same.
As much as you want it to leave you alone,
And you’ll spend nights banging your head,
Trying to silence it,
It won’t leave,
It’s apart of you,
And making it leave is cruel,
Because you couldn’t live without it.
So although it sucks most of the time,
And it can often ruin your mood,
It also makes you care so much,
It makes you never forget the good times,
It makes you nervous and excited for what the future holds,
So if I had the option to live without my OCD,
I’d say no,
Because it’s me,
And I am it,
And I am so grateful for that
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