Now, I Am Free
A life of beauty and happiness denied, of innocence
smothered like a flame--I have always lived; but when
I am touched by your kindness, O Rose,
Now, I am free!
I was dead before I even entered into this world, a
place cruel and without feeling, cruel and without
the love and compassion I finally know in the rich
lovingkindnesses of your heart, O Rose!
They set me free.
Before I could even hope to bloom like a young flower
hanging breathless and exposed in the first, rainy
sunbeams of life a great evil--the menacing hostility
of a dark, soulless figure spilling over with
hatred--transformed me into a joyless
waste of ashes.
From that terrible moment on I fought all the ugly and horrible assaults
as his unwilling property, a child-gladiator in the arenas
of his constant abuse and
intimidation.
But when I know your forgiveness and now recognize your tender-
ness and compassion as unearned gifts meant for
me
despite my childish self-loathing
and my unworthiness
I feel the love and self-esteem denied me, taken from
me simply because it was too easy to rape from
a child whose only fault was that he was not born
white
or with money or status.
O Rose! Because you finally arrived in my life and rescued me--now I am free!
Free from my years as an abused prisoner in the arena of his constant
abuse and attacks,
able to bloom like a young flower hanging breathless
and exposed in the first, radiant sunbeams
of life again!
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