Nothing Like An Absolutist

I cannot be her friend because she has pink yarn in her hair. Who says? My mother. Can you at least be her friend at school? No. Let me guess. You have an Absolute Book at your house…. Yes, and we sing the absolute song at our house nightly. How does that go again? “Absolutely no yarn in hair, Absolutely no tattoos or rings. Absolutely no make-up. Absolutely no outsiders can learn these sings.” But you are sharing the song with me? Yes. But I am an outsider. Oh. I did not know that. Forget you heard it, okay? I do not want to lose my standing in my family. They have already disowned three of my sisters and two brothers. Your secret is safe with me. Absolutists. Nothing like them.