Kathleen Hassall Poet Free verse

Not What I Expected

There are times that it really hits me
that my life has not been what I expected
in some ways, it is the opposite of what I dreamed of
and in others, it is exactly what I dreamed of
I never imagined my precious and precocious younger son would take his own life
or that my grief would be so big and unmanageable that I can't breathe at times
but I did meet and marry my best friend and build a life with him
and we are still married after 32 years
I never thought that my oldest son would be who he is and do what he does
or that I would be so very proud of that person, despite him putting aside the beliefs of his parents
I never thought I would write poems that I would put out there for others to read
and get them published as often as I can
I never thought I would work in a psychiatric hospital
and love it for the most part
I never imagined I would befriend and encourage people
with the same illness my son had and it would encourage me
and keep me going when I want to curl up in a ball and just cry
I never thought life would be so messy and painful
yet, beautiful and joyful at the same time

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