No Respect

Dedicated in memory of Mr Dangerfield, Rodney. He was a comic few will ever forget. He is most known probably for his classic routine; "I Don't Get No Respect. When I was born the doctor delivered to my parents the very sad news. "We tried everything, but I'm sorry, he managed to pull through." I Don't Get No Respect. I remember taking my first steps so vividly and then dear old Dad tripping me. I Don't Get No Respect. I asked Dad if I could go ice skating on the lake with all of the others. He then said to me, "Wait until it gets warmer." I Don't Get No Respect. My mother practiced this form of birth control constantly. Whenever Dad wanted sex, she'd show him a picture of me. I Don't Get No Respect. "I lost my parents. Do you think we'll ever find them?" I cried. "I don't know," said the policeman, "There's so many places they can hide." I Don't Get No Respect. In the kidnapper's note to my parents for ransom it read, "Give us five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again." I Don't Get No Respect. Last night, my wife wearing a sexy negligee met me at our front door all alone. There's just one problem with this scenario. She was coming home. I Don't Get No Respect. My wife phoned and said, "Come on over. There's nobody home." When I arrived, guess what? There was nobody home. I Don't Get No Respect. During sex my wife always wants to talk to me. She called me from a hotel recently. I Don't Get No Respect. One day I came home from work early and saw a man run naked jogging past me. I asked, "Why are you jogging naked buddy?" He replied, "Because you came home early." I Don't Get No Respect. "What'll ya have?" the bartender asked me. Indecisive I replied, "Just surprise me." So he pulled out a naked photo of my wife for me to see. I Don't Get No Respect. I went to a hooker, thinking it might be nice. When I dropped my pants, she dropped her price. I Don't Get No Respect. My psychiatrist said that I'm going crazy. "I'd like a second opinion," I replied to she. "Very well," she said, "You're also ugly." I Don't Get No Respect I told my psychiatrist, "I'm going to kill myself when I get the chance." She told me I'll have to start paying her well in advance. I Don't Get No Respect. No Respect At All. I've had enough of all of this. This is my final curtain call."