My Wolf

How am I supposed to say no, when my body is screaming at me to let him do everything he wants, no questions, no hesitation? He touches me or kisses me and electric shocks roll through my entire body and consume me. With him It's just such an intensity of a feeling I've never experienced before with anyone. It's his presence, passion and ability to lead the emotional availability at that moment all mixed into one. It's not rushed most times, but I'm always excited to rush into it. There is no self-consciousness anymore… Just pure, in the moment ecstasy. It's the way he has unraveled me and all of my insecurities... I feel safe. I can surrender so deeply to the feelings of pleasure and I know I can trust him with my body completely My heart, on the other hand, won’t stop warning me that I’m just going to get hurt again. It will be my own fault. After all, nothing in his confession indicates love or a relationship. He’s not giving me false promises, despite knowing my romantic feelings towards him. I respect the honesty, even as I struggle with what’s the smart thing to do. The smart thing would be to have never let myself get in this situation in the first place because this man has so much power over my fragile heart now, and I know that he knows it. But I’m not always a smart girl, and I find myself nodding, pulled toward him by a force I can’t deny. "I want to shatter you" "You already have" I have to admit, something else in me wants to prove I am a doer, not just a thinker. The way he reads me so easily is galling. My passivity, fear and shyness has been crippling in the past, and I continue to try to work on it. With one short conversation, he's stripped all of that away and revealed who I am deep down inside. The person I want to pretend like I left behind but I didn’t. She’s still there in me bubbling just below the surface hidding behind the mask I wear to hide my obvious feelings..