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My Sister Says

My sister says
               my father was a good man --
but, how should I, 
                        who never "knew" him
    (except as a far-from-good man)
          buy her stories?
                        Am I, the last child
   of that union, 
              too, too judgmental?
     Too far removed in time from 
                              what she knew 
    and now recalls?
My memory is of a different man, 
              who died when I was twenty-two:
       one rarely present, never talking, 
often jailed,
                      unsupportive -- 
  someone I really never knew.
He was no bearer of familial tales, 
              no imparter of the history
                       now I only wish I'd heard...
Obviously, I differ from my sister 
          about what constitutes a good man.
He never seemed to feel that he
      needed to provide basics --
                  food, shelter, clothing, health care --
  to his offspring -- and he almost never did......
         I do remember how he staggered 
            on the street,
                             fell off of curbs, 
sought shelter 
                       and often could be found
asleep -- or at least 
                  stretched out unconscious --
                                          in some vacant lot; 
how he foraged 
                  frenziedly
                                   about for beer, 
or only Gallo muscatel 
                          (thirty-five cents for the flask).
Should I not ask 
                what makes my sister think
                         I could remember him as does she?
In such a different light?
                                   As victim,
                                               and maligned
              by inlaws or by circumstance?
All I know is what I do remember,
               what I survived
                           when she and others,
 grown, were gone.
 
I do not think 
                that I can accept
                                 or change
(nor in absentia, forgive) --
                        and, no, I do not yet
                                                        believe
            what my sister says.
Copyright © | Year Posted 2017

Poem

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White Avatar
May 8, 2017 at 11:42 AM
I can relate so incredibly much, and your poem reads staccato angry, sad and hurt the same time, the way you arranged your sentences. So good, so good, and I add it to my faves.
Callus Avatar
May 6, 2017 at 3:24 PM
People's perspectives vary, Leo. We see things from different lenses, and thus what is good to one can be bad to another. One also has to take into consideration that your father could have been a victim of circumstances. Having said this, I can also understand your feelings and how hard it is to live with them. #7 Regards // paul
Smith Avatar
May 6, 2017 at 2:10 PM
So sadly well told Leo. Good and bad can on occasion be a relative term. One deed could change ones total perception. Such is life...
Marcum Wong Avatar
May 4, 2017 at 7:42 PM
Oh Leo, the staggered lines you present in this brilliant poem add to its profound poignancy and suggest years of growing up in an atmosphere of imbalance so perfectly. I can relate to the loss of affection, loss of unreliability in dealing with a parent that needed parenting himself, which may have been partly responsible for his actions. You have written an outstanding portrait revealing such pain, and it moved me to my core. A FAVE my friend! Your words will linger. 7
Allison Avatar
May 4, 2017 at 6:48 PM
Your words hit me hard Leo as my mother and I have not grieved for my father who died in Feb 2015 - his death had torn our family apart and I now have no contact with my sister - I have to bite my tongue when people wax lyrical about him - there is so so much in lives that is hidden:-( hugs jan xx
Amadore Avatar
May 5, 2017 at 12:15 PM
I understand and sympathize with your feelings, Jan. Thank you so much for your comment.
Pinet Avatar
April 28, 2017 at 6:14 PM
A thought provoking, angry poem, that picks up on the vast array of sadness that fills our every day world and how memories can attach themselves to objects and people increasing or decreasing their value from trivial to critical. A well constructed poem that flows crisply with a pace set within the readers mind as the author bares his soul. Emile. #7
Amadore Avatar
April 29, 2017 at 10:01 AM
Thank you so much for your generous and supportive comment Emile!
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