My Reality of Addiction

To not be in control of my own body and soul To beat my addiction is my huge goal Due to my addiction I have lost everything in my life once a devoted mother and a perfect wife But worst of all I have lost myself I do not know who I am today I feel so lost so afraid to face reality I am ashamed of what I have become I don't deserve the title of being a mom Now pain and guilt is all I live with I don't want to wake up as I lay down to sleep The pain and fear it hurts so deep I pray to my mom who is no longer hear She passed away from addiction to beer please mom help me be free of my drug addiction Even the methadone I have on perscription I want to feel free I long to find the real me The loving mom I was before To be drug free I wish for nothing more but 23 years of this existence age 18 this nightmare began but I long to get clean I belive I can To be the mom my children cry for as now they are older they know the score but the help is not as easy to get but little goals is what I need to set I can do this I must be strong its going to be a road so long it will be hard I know and at times I will feel so low but I sit hear now and I cry so many tears thinking of the last 23 years lets just pray that my addiction will be history one day.