My Mind Is Not a Crash Test
I wish you loved me more.
I always feel like your looking for the door.
Don’t say it isn’t true.
When you know it is what you do.
Emotionally
I think you're through.
Now it’s up to me
to catch a clue.
My mind
Is not a crash test.
Dummy!
The things I fear you say behind my back
make me feel awful.
Tell me are your slenderest words profitable.
If equated to a fraction,
what percentage is marketable.
Let alone talk able.
In conversation
do you receive a sense satisfaction
putting me down.
A show of strength
when your friends are around.
I'm the pile.
To your pile driver,
and you are
Pounding me into the ground.
Your always there.
Relentlessly never backing down.
A complement never found.
Guess the sex is why you stay around.
Pounding & pounding,
Out the rhythms of attraction.
My body has become my only weapon
to defend against a total loss.
I continue no matter this emotional cost.
That inevitably
of my best friendship lost.
Your heart covered in a winters frost.
You track each trickle back to it’s source
then scream of the faucet
till your face is hoarse.
Admittedly;
My substance abuse inexcusable,
Though isn’t my progress viewable.
But each time you put me down
I’m driven a little further into the ground.
My head
the only exposed part of me now.
Soon cast in concrete
never again to be found.
Your bridge to the rest of the world
nearly complete.
Maybe you could visit from time to time.
Text me via spray paint.
This is how my messages get through.
If you listen close you’ll hear my reply.
I love you still.
Now and for all time.
Copyright © Jay O'Neal | Year Posted 2011
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