My Heart Yet Beats For You-

Mine eyes see the bareness of her presents Equipping my heart with your last breath An earnest warm gentle kiss These substantial most Flowing, streaming Whilst my heart yet beating
7/10/21 Written By James Edward Lee Sr.
Copyright © | Year Posted 2021

Poem

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Hankins Avatar
December 26, 2021 at 3:43 PM
I found the poem overall interesting, but I was somewhat stunned by the last stanza which changed the whole tone of the writing as well as my feeling about what the poem was about.
Hankins Avatar
December 26, 2021 at 3:37 PM
I'm sorry, but I don't really follow the intent of this poem. The archaic "Whilst" is very stilted, as is "Mine eyes." I find a conversational tone works best for me, James. For example, what are "the bareness of her presents?" What does this mean?
Lee Sr. Avatar
January 5, 2022 at 4:12 AM
Milton, thanks for stopping by to read my fictional-metaphoric verse... To this fictional artistic ruse"the bareness of her presence " her " represents humanity Viewing with the spiritual eye "loving and forgiving one beyond their habits and wrong choices" looking beyond until one's true self ... Thanks James
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