entered contest Father sponsered by The Silent One
His time was almost done I hugged him his arms remained dangled by his side His body stiffened like a board never within him ever seemed to be a loving chord Was it his for own lack of self esteem that he found strength through derision and sneering all his family endured Persistent anger bullying put downs and teasing several beatings over time I incurred The pain of a flogging quickly disappeared the constant mental bruising it hung around for many years early days of nightmares then anxiety and depression adulthood full of irrational fears followed many childhood tears I wondered if my father was raised by a father who treated him as my father treated me never broke a long tradition to learn the code of self love that could have set him free My father espoused a strong atheistic view it seemed from as early as I am able to recall He was fixated with old age and dying he'd say there's no hereafter no more life at all And when he died I never shed a tear never felt the pain of any grief Many years before he died I'd found freedom through self love released chains of past hardship and thus felt so much relief I would like it to be different but as yet for my father I've still not found real love But I do send loving messages despite his disbelief in God via the divine postie to where he is now residing happily above
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