My Depression
my depression is like trying to live whilst dead,
its like a barrier holding me down to my bed,
sometimes I think I might as well be blind because everything seems like a blur in my mind ,
it always makes me feel like a failure so I start doing destructive behaviour ,
the voice in my head tells me not to eat ,
a day consuming 100 calories makes me feel complete ,
trying to resist the urge to self harm is like being chassed by a bear and trying to stay calm ,
depression always attacks me out of the blue and he brings his other half with him too ,
they call her anxiety she hurts and despises me ,
she always tells me nasty lies when I think positive she allways has to rationalise ,
im petrified of going to sleep people say why don't you try and count sheep, because when you think your going to die negative thoughts tend to multiply ,
my heart starts palpitating it get so agravating ,
my whole body starts shaking my conciusness feels like its fading ,
all these symptoms are coping mechanisms but I cant breath I think im having a pulmonary emblysm ,
I know what im feeling arnt harmful but I feel like when eric banna turns into hulk from marvel,
its really draining feeling this low I wish there was an ecape somewhere to go ,
what is the cause of this nasty stimulation is it my past or a gene mutation,
all my memories are so traumatic my stress response is now automatic ,
I can never sleep at night because of the thoughts rushing through my head ,
but during the day my anxiety depression always keeps me strapped to my bed.
Rebecca Hodgkinson 17
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