Maclawrence Famuyiwa Poet Free verse

More I try, more I cry

In just a day,
I lost my father, my mum,
and my only two siblings,
I became the only member of my family:
  my own father,
    my own mother,
     my own siblings.
I was left to s~w~i~m the ocean a l o n e...
I was like the only spared t^r^e^e of a once vast f^o^r^e^s^t ~
a remote island in the widest o~c~e~a~n.
My s~m~i~l~e~s are always mixed with tears
     and isolated to only my cheeks ~
   no one else's.
My joy never came once in a blue moon,
    but in a blue-black moon—
       one that never e x i s t e d,
         never c o n j u r e d,
            never r o s e,
             never c o n ce i v e d.

Grief dumps me in a black hole,
where escape from despair is impossible,
confined in an abyss,
   bound by a g o s s a m e r of barbed wire
tearing deep into my flesh 
with each fresh attempt to e~s~c~a~p~e.
Festered wounds and repugnant scars
      agonizingly pester my soul,
just like bollards implanted in my heart to halt love's flow.
Beneath each laughter of extended family,
   hides the harsh smile of u n c a r e.
Even foster homes were inhabited by m o n s t e r s...
by wicked nannies,
and g o d f o r s a k e n home mates.

I couldn't crawl out of the black hole ~
filled with sh*ts of people life has similarly hit before.
  The more I try, the more I cry,
each grip only rips out by s l i p p e r y mud—
that never sleeps,
whose r~o~o~t~s hold everything...
ensuring every e s c a p e  r~o~u~t~e from agony remains impassable,
as if grief itself were gravity ~
c~r~u~s~h~i~n~g all light into its silent core.

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