Mister Sunshine

He’s a broken leg performer with a crooked second act. Went from Brooklyn to Las Vegas with his sarcasm intact. Does a Smith and Wesson stand-up, voice as sweet as antifreeze. Tells you how he lost his cherry to some hooker overseas. They call him Mr. Sunshine. He’s as salty as a used spittoon. MCs the neon circus Where he shines just like a plumber’s moon. Doesn’t pander to his critics. Slanders movie stars for laughs Wielding heavy-handed put-downs like the jawbone of an ass. Always orders top shelf vintage; likes his girlfriends under-age. He’s the truth behind those rumors they found bloodstains on the stage. They call him Mr. Sunshine. Claims a hammer as his only tool. A shylock rooked his agent, Left him face down in the swimming pool. He’s a smoke and mirrors pundit; all his opinions are strong. Pegs some yokel as a sucker and he slams him all night long. Bet the house at Caesar’s Palace; he was shaken, never stirred. God, I hope that pregnant widow didn’t take him at his word. They call him Mr. Sunshine. He’s as wholesome as a canker sore. Don’t ever lend him money. He’ll just blow it at the liquor store. He’s a poster child for rehab at the bottom of a slump. Tried to come back with a wisecrack when Aunt Sophie found a lump. He insinuates his poison to the marrow of the bone. He’ll be praying for an encore on the night he dies alone. They call him Mr. Sunshine. He’s as funny as a dry monsoon. He isn’t Mr. Starbuck. He’s just a prick with a sharp harpoon. Did ya hear the one about those crazy corporate chemists? They’ve crossed the ebola virus with e-coli bacteria. It’s being marketed in West Africa by Monsanto as Ebo Cola!