Misery

As I walk I see your laughing face
Your words shout out to me
Useless, Ugly, Worthless
My cheeks glisten with tears

As I kneel before the alter my legs burn
The material of my clothes rubbing into my wounds
My legs revealing a map
My map of self mutilation

I try to fight back the tears as I pray
You always said crying was a weakness
I ask for forgiveness, for the hurt I’m causing those I shall leave behind
My heart bleeds with pain and sorrow

I cannot express my unhappiness
My will to live has long gone
But soon my misery will come to an end
I feel the weight of the gun in my backpack

The night air is cold and cruel
The noises are frightening, I run as fast as I can
I trip and fall
I see your jeering face everywhere, I taste my salty tears

I want to escape before I change my mind
I near home 
I take out pen, paper and the gun
My mind is blank

I start to write Dear Mommy and Daddy
Try to understand 
My tears smudge the ink
I crumple the paper frustrated, no one will understand

I hold the gun in my hands
I am so ashamed
But at least I won’t be here to hear you gossip
I’ll be gone

My heart races
My palms are sweaty
There’s a lump in my throat
The gun is loaded

I raise the gun
I break down crying I just can’t do it
Then I see your taunting face and your words echo through me
You don’t have the guts
It drives me to pull the trigger
Splattering my brains on the wall

depressionwordsheartheartfree verse

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