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Marion's Narration

MARION'S NARRATION 



Y'all gather round me and listen clearly.
I got a tale to tell.
And so listen intently.
It's about fighting and killing and my men.
My Father and husband,
whom bless me, amen.

When the leaders all say
'we'll be back Christmas day'
then know the knowing wise.
For the troops need you to sympathize. 
They will face massive demise.
Before during and after,
Christmas speeches from your pastor.
The war's prognosis is hell and somber.
The dead buried all together by machine grave digger.

Where my men fight is along the frontiers 
A vast land.  Where whole armies can pass another 
And not hear the other's jeers

For morale it is still high,
and the general's conceit obeys 
The rules of leers
The commanders vanity shows only confidence, not tears
But hard tears will fall for four years.

So this story begins sadder than Poe
But that won't ruin the show
Because we have love and drama 
To balance your trauma
And we'll keep you high on that
Instead of lost in woe.

OH! One more thing.  My husband
Does not yet know I exist.
So don't leak our little secret.
And remember this above all else,
in this tale like your own lives.
Everything that comes to be is fate.

rhyme

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Bob Atkinson

May 17, 2016 at 5:32 PM

Nice, poetry with purpose. Oh so rare. Missed an opportunity to describe the era with "leaders" when you could have named a known general or politician of the era. Here's the hard part, researching the battles you reference and providing new knowledge to the reader/audience. Researching the culture of the army you speak of adds realism to the effort. Good going. The Meaning of War: http://www.poetrycritic.net/2013/11/the-charge-of-light-brigade-by-alfred.html

Seth Diamond

May 18, 2016 at 12:48 PM

Thanks for all of your comments, they are all very helpful, and I ask that you share more of your critique of my other poems... It really is helpful and I think you're right.